


Whispers of What We Were

by stephinator87



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25264366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephinator87/pseuds/stephinator87
Summary: A flashback series of Tara and Jax's relationship.  AU: Tara stayed, for as long as she could.  She takes her kids away from Jax and SAMCRO.
Relationships: Tara Knowles/Jax Teller
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I wish I did but I do not own Jax, Tara or the Sons. Emily however is all mine :)  
> I've had this up at ff.net for a long time and am now editing it and bringing it over here for you guys to enjoy

Dr. Tara Knowles hands were shaking, which wasn't good considering she was on the brink of becoming a famous Neonatal surgeon. It was happening to her all over again. Trouble seemed to follow her wherever she went. Four years ago she had left Charming, California to protect her children and now she had to go back there for the exact same reason.

"Mom?" She turned and looked at her nine-year-old daughter Emily with blonde hair that reminded her so much of Jax. God she missed Jax.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Are we really moving back to Charming?"

"Yea baby, we are."

"Is it because of Joshua?"

Tara looked at her daughter carefully. Emily was smart and perceptive to a fault. Hitting Tara was one thing, but doing it in front of her kids was not ok. "Yes. We aren't safe here anymore baby. But I am going to make sure that nothing happens to you and your brother ok?" Emily nodded, tracing the bruise on Tara's face. Tara hugged her little girl close. "I love you baby." 

"I love you too mom."

"Ok baby, why don't you get ready for bed and you and your brother can read the next chapter of your book ok?"

"Ok!" Emily leapt off Tara's lap and ran into the bedroom she shared with her brother Abel.

Tara sighed and leaned her head back on the couch. She shook her head, picking up her phone and dialing a familiar number. "Hey Opie, its Tara. Listen, me and the kids are coming back to Charming..."

Ten Years Ago...

"Jax... There's something I have to tell you." Jax was currently attacking his girlfriend's neck with his lips.

"Can it wait baby? I haven't seen you in two months. This Medical School better be worth it. I have missed you like crazy..."

Jax started to unbutton Tara's blouse, his lips following his fingers as he went, "Jax... I'm pregnant."

That got his attention and he stopped suddenly. "What?"

"Yeah. I'm probably exactly two months along."

Jax remembered that night fondly. Him and Tara had had a bit of a fight on the phone and it got Jax so worked up that he drove his motorcylce all the way to San Diego nonstop. When he had gotten to her dorm room she was alone, wearing boxers and one of his SAMCRO shirts and that was the end of their fight. He couldn't recall putting on a condom.

"You're smiling." Tara noted with concern.

"Baby, I know we said we were going to wait to have kids but..."

"I've only just finished my first year of school."

Jax took Tara in his arms, "we can make this work babe. I'll come to San Diego for a while and I know Gemma will be happy to help out. I love you."

Tara smiled and allowed herself to get caught up in the excitement of being pregnant with Jackson Teller's baby. She played with the edges of his kutte, "you know... being pregnant means you can forget condoms for another seven months..."

Jax smiled coyly. "Marry me baby." He said.

"What?"

"We belong together. You're my old lady and now you're having my baby. I want us to make it official." As he said official, he ran his hands under her shirt to the small of her back, his fingers tracing her crow tattoo. "So?"

Tara jumped into Jax's arms, tackling him to the bed. "Yes Jackson Teller. I will marry you."

"I love you" He kissed her, then ran his hands across her flat stomach, "and I love you too little one."

PRESENT

Jackson Teller sat in the bar of the SAMCRO clubhouse nursing his sixth or seventh beer. He had just received letters earlier that day from his kids and pictures that he assumed Tara had put in there for him. Emily and Abel were getting so big. He hadn't seen them in four years and everyday it was a constant struggle for him to even get out of bed in the morning.

As he looked through the pictures again and again he kept stopping at one of Emily, Abel and Tara. It must have been taken during the fourth of July. They were all wearing red, white and blue. Tara looked stunning. She would always be the most beautiful women he had ever seen. Her simple beauty had haunted him since he was fifteen years old. You would never know that she had had two kids except for the fact that both Emily and Abel looked so much like their mother minus her brown hair.

Jax closed his eyes, thinking about the last time he had run his fingers through Tara's long hair. It was the night before his whole life went to shit. Of course he had killed the Mayan behind the Sons of Anarchy family picnic shooting but that hadn't been enough. Abel had caught a stray bullet in the leg and his family would never be the same.

"Hey Jax!" He opened his eyes and turned to the voice. It was Opie.

"Hey brother. What's going on?"

"I just received some interesting news. Got a call to make sure Tara's old man's house was still in good condition."

"Oh yeah? Are they finally going to sell that piece of shit house?"

"No brother. Tara and the kids are moving in. She's coming back to Charming..."


	2. Chapter 2

"Donna, thanks so much for helping me move back into the house."

"It's no problem Tara. I've missed you. It will be nice to be with someone who doesn't give a shit or bend over backwards for SAMCRO."

"Yea..." Tara said, staring into the backyard where her children had already reconnected with Donnas kids and were now playing what appeared to be tag.

"Opie told Jax you were coming home." Donna confessed as she unwrapped some mugs from a box.

Tara sighed, "I knew he would. I'm actually surprised Jax and Gemma weren't parked in the driveway when I got here."

"Opie asked Jax to back off for a couple of days. Let you and the kids get settled in. I don't think Gemma knows, she would definitely be here if she did."

"You're telling me Jax actually listened to someone?"

Donna put a comforting arm around Tara, "Jax was a complete wreck after you left with Emily and Abel and he's changed a lot. Apparently he's really trying to turn the club around. Have them go legit."

"He should have left with us." Tara whispered.

"I know. They all should leave with us. But none of them do, and we love them anyways."

Tara nodded. She knew Donna never was a fan of the club and she knew of the struggles she had with trying to get Opie to get out of the Sons. "I really should head over to the club house tomorrow, maybe after my orientation at the hospital. I need to talk to Jax before he sees Emily and Abel. I mean, letters is one thing, but they haven't seen him in four years. We're all different. Plus, I should face the wrath of Gemma."

Donna pulled her friend in closer, "You've recently updated your will right?" She joked.

Fifteen Years Ago

"Jax, you really don't have to take care of me like this."

"I'm not letting you go back into that house while your father is like that. I'm taking you to my house."

Tara nodded. Never in a million years did she think Jackson Teller, Prince of SAMCRO, would ever walk her home, let alone take her to his house. They had been at the same party and because Tara was friends with Opie's girlfriend Donna, he had offered to walk her home.

Of course Jax had offered mainly because Tara looked hot as hell in jean shorts and a tank top. He had dropped her off and before he had made it to the end of the driveway he heard a loud crash and a scream. He had bolted back up the drive and forced himself into the house. Blinded by the sight of Tara, cowering in her kitchen and her dad poised to hit her; Jax immediately tackled her father to the ground. It had only taken one solid punch to knock the older man out cold. Jax grabbed Tara's hand and led her quickly out of her house.

"Really Jax, this is unescessary. My dad just has a little too much to drink sometimes." Tara explained.

"Thats no excuse. You don't deserve any of that shit." Jax took off his SAMCRO hoodie and offered it to her. As much as he hated seeing her cover up the tank top, it was getting cold and he was trying to score some gentleman points.

"Thanks." Tara put on the hoodie and took a moment to inhale the scent. It made her dizzy.

"So... Donna was telling me you do really well in school. She said you get A's on everything you do." Jax commented, trying to change the subject.

"Something like that. I want to be a doctor."

Jax stared at her, "really? Thats amazing" This girl was way out of his league. A doctor? Who was he kidding?

They walked for another twenty minutes or so. Tara talked about school and Jax talked about SAMCRO and the bike he would soon be getting for his sixteenth birthday.

Jax's house was in a nicer neighborhood and larger than Tara's. He opened the front door and Tara was met by the most unnerving gaze.

"Mom, this is Tara. She needs to crash here tonight."

For the rest of Tara's life, she would forever fear the scowl she would always receive from Gemma Teller-Morrow.

Present

Tara hated the way her body betrayed her when she thought about Jax. She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans as she walked through the gates of Teller-Morrow, a place that had felt like a second home now felt so foreign to her. She had parked her dads Cutlass on the street because anyone seeing it in the garage would immediately know it was her. She passes the bike's and stopped in front of one she knew all too well. Jax was here. His bike was parked next to Clays.

She flushed as memories of her and Jax on that bike came to the forefront of her mind. She remembered the day he got the bike. Tara had shared his first ride with him. Being on the back of that bike, holding tightly to Jax was exhilarating. Damn her body for betraying her again.

As quickly as her mind had drifted, it was painfully taken away when a loud voice was heard across the garage.

"What the hell are you doing here you little bitch?"

Tara turned towards the voice.

"Hello to you too Gemma."


	3. Chapter 3

"Don't you 'hello Gemma' me you little selfish bitch. Where the hell are my grandchildren? How dare you take them away from us here!" Tara knew coming to the club first was not a very good idea.

Tara stood her ground. She had a few choice words for Gemma as well but bit her tongue. This was not neutral territory for Tara and Gemma anymore. They would have to hash out their problems another time.

"My children are with Donna right now. We're moving into my dad’s house."

Tara noticed a myriad of emotions pass across Gemma's face. Anger, then relief and happiness knowing that a part of her family would be back in Charming. The happiness was short lived however, "did Jax know about this? Why wouldn't he tell me?"

"I think Opie told him last week."

Gemma nodded. "The boys are in Chapel right now. Should be almost done. I'll give them shit then."

"Of course they are." Tara muttered. She looked over to the clubhouse, wondering what type of illegal activities they were involved in now. She had always known about the guns. Jax had always told her the truth but after four years apart, who knew what other outlaw jobs they had picked up.

"You still seem pretty bitter about this club Tara. What the hell are you doing back here then?"

"I have to take care of some things of my Dads." Apparently they were going to hash this out now. "And yes, I am still a little bitter about this club. This club almost got Abel and Emily killed!"

"Leaving this club could have gotten them killed too!" Gemma shouted. "You knew what you were getting into when you and Jax got together. I knew it was a bad idea even back then…"

Jax sat in his usual seat next to Clay. He wasn't really paying attention as Clay talked about their most recent problem with the Mayans.

KNOCK KNOCK

Everyone looked to the door that slowly opened, "Half Sack! What the hell is so important you have to interrupt us?" Tig asked him, ready to kick his ass.

"Ummm," Half Sack looked at Jax and Clay. "Your Old Ladies are going at it in the lot outside."

Jax and Clay looked at each other before quickly getting up from their seats and running outside.

Once outside Clay made his way over to his wife, who was currently yelling at Tara but Jax stopped midway. He couldn't get his feet to move any further. He watched as Clay led Gemma away from Tara. He also saw Clay smile at Tara, in a silent welcome back he didn't want Gemma to see.

His eyes fixated on her. The love of his life; the mother of his two beautiful children. She looked thinner than she had in the picture he had gotten in the mail, and she looked exhausted, the way she used to when she had spent all night studying for an exam and then would drive all the way from San Diego to Charming to get to him and their kids. Even tired and far too frail for his liking, Tara was still absolutely gorgeous.

Once Clay had successfully gotten Gemma into the clubhouse, Jax found his footing and walked over to her. He couldn't help but swallow loudly when he got a better glimpse of her in her tight jeans and tight button up blouse. Jax couldn't help but picture those buttons scattered on the pavement. He was still madly in love with the woman who had taken his kids and left him.

"Hi." Tara whispered.

"Hey." The embraced in a hug and while intentionally platonic, both Tara and Jax couldn't help but linger a little bit longer. "So, you're back? The kids are alright?" Jax wanted to ask if she was alright as well but held back.

Tara smiled when he mentioned Emily and Abel. "The kids are great. I don't know how long I'll be here. I need to deal with some of my Dads stuff. I got a job at St. Thomas though."

Jax smiled. His wife truly astounded him. He was glad her dreams of being a doctor had come true. Of course she'd be able to get a job here; who wouldn't want her? "That's great Tara. I'm proud of you."

Tara remembered how hard it had been. Going to school in San Diego while Jax stayed in Charming with Emily and Abel, looking after them with Gemma's help. They had decided that would be their best option. "Thanks."

"So, where are Emily and Abel? I can't wait to see them."

"They are with Donna and her kids. They really want to see you too. Abel has been talking about you nonstop."

"And Emily?"

Tara sighed, "she's still a little pissed that she had to leave her friends in Chicago. The first thing she asked when she got here was 'where is the mall?'"

Jax and Tara both laughed. There was so much unresolved tension between the two of them but talking about Emily and Abel came naturally to them, and calmed them.

"She's a big city girl now huh?"

"Something like that. But that's my fault. Chicago is a busy city. You can't help but get swept up in it. I'll probably take her into San Francisco for a weekend before school starts in the Fall."

"She'll like that…" Jax trailed off, remembering a bike trip he and Tara had taken to Golden Gate Park when they were seventeen and madly in love.

Both were uncomfortably silent, which was not common for them. They used to be able to sit in comfortable silence for hours, just enjoying each other’s company.

"Umm, I told Donna I wouldn't be too late. Do you want to come back to the house and see the kids? I didn't want to bring them here. I thought it might be a little bit overwhelming for them."

"You're right about that. I'll talk to Gemma. Get her to calm down. She should be happy her grandkids are back in Charming. And of course I want to see Emily and Abel. I'll follow you on my bike."

Tara closed her eyes, wishing he could be on the back of that bike with him. "Sure."

As Tara went to her car, Jax went to his bike. He watched her get into the old cutlass and couldn't help but smirk when her short rode up and he caught a glimpse of her lower back and the crow that was etched into her beautiful skin.

He was going to do everything in his power to win his family back. He wouldn't let them go again.


	4. Chapter 4

On the drive back to Tara's house, Jax had to be careful not to speed in front of Tara's car. He had waited four years since he had mistakenly and regretfully let his wife leave with his children and not followed them. He couldn't wait to see Emily and Abel again. At the time it had been right to stay with the club. Following Tara to Chicago could have brought more problems.

Of course he had talked to his children almost every week on the phone. Tara had never wanted to keep his kids away from him; she just wanted to get Emily and Abel out of Charming. She was great about sending him pictures and letting him know what was happening in their children's lives.

SOASOASOASOA

Two Years Ago

At nine-o-clock on a Tuesday night, Jax's home phone rang. Usually he wouldn't be home this early, but he had just gotten home from a four day ride and needed to crash somewhere other than the clubhouse.

"Hello?"

"Hi Daddy!"

Jax smiled, "hey baby girl. How are you?"

"I'm good. Mom said you might not be home but she said I could leave you a message." Jax chuckled softly, he loved that his little girl still called him Daddy where with Tara he called her Mom. He hoped that that would never change between them.

"I must have known a beautiful little girl would be calling me."

He heard Emily giggle over the phone. He could hear Tara in the background telling Emily to let him know what she was going to tell him because it was getting late and was passed her bed time.

"Daddy… I wanted to tell you that I won my Spelling Bee today at school!"

"Really? Emily that's so great." He was so proud of his little girl. Smart like her mother.

"Yea! And I got a trophy."

"Awesome little one."

"I just wanted to tell you before I went to bed… I'll still call on Sunday but Abel always talks longer than me."

"Ok baby. I love you."

"I love you too Daddy."

"Can you put your mom on the phone for me?"

"Mom! Daddy wants to talk to you!" Jax had to hold the phone away from his ear as his daughter yelled.

"Hey Jax."

"Hey, thanks for letting Emily call. Wish I could have seen it."

"I'll send you pictures. She was great."

"Smart, like her mother."

Tara sighed. "Thanks. Listen Jax, it's been a really long day, and I have early rounds at the hospital tomorrow."

"I understand."

"We'll call like usual on Sunday, and I'll send you the Spelling Bee pictures."

"Thanks. You have a good night Tara." God he missed her.

"You too Jax."

SOASOASOASOASOA

As Jax pulled his motorcycle into the driveway, Jax hoped he never had to wait for a scheduled phone call again.

"I'm just going to go to Donna's and grab them." Tara said, heading down the street. Donna and Opie only lived two houses away from Tara's dad.

In a matter of minutes, Jax could hear two sets of small feel running down the street.

"Dad!"

"Daddy!"

Jax beamed. His kids were gorgeous and had gotten so big. He kneeled as Emily and Abel ran at him at full speed. Both kids leapt at him and he grabbed them mid-air and swung them around and held them close. This was a million times better than a stupid phone call. "I missed you guys so much."

"We missed you too Daddy!" Abel said, clinging to Jax's neck.

Tara, finally catching up with her speedy kids, stopped a good ten feet away to admire the view. The big bad biker hugging his kids fiercely. Tears formed in her eyes as she saw her kids reunite with their father for the first time in four years. She really did regret leaving Charming but it had to happen. If she didn't have kids to think about, of course she would still be in Charming, probably with a gun in her purse. She had to think of Emily and Abel's safety. The same thought that brought her back to Charming now.

"Mom, can we show Dad our room?" Tara was brought out of her thoughts by Emily's question.

"Sure baby… let's go inside."

Tara laughed as Jax carried Emily and Abel upside down with his strong arms. His physique sure hadn't changed since they had been away.

It scared her how easily her family came back together after it had been so brutally ripped apart.

"Are you coming Mom?" Abel called, still upside down in his Dad's arms.

"Yeah… Coming Abel."


	5. Chapter 5

Prologue

"That's it Jax. I am taking our kids and I am leaving."

"Tara baby, you can't do this."

"Are you kidding me? My four-year-old son caught a stray bullet tonight because of you and that stupid club."

"Tara, I'm sorry. We're going to get the bastards that did this."

"And what about the next one huh? I am not putting Emily and Abel through this." Tara ran her hands through her hair, "we're going to Chicago."

"What?"

"I got into the residency program there. It's one of the best in the country for Neonatology."

"I thought you were going to stay here? Do you residency at St. Thomas?" Jax held his hands out to his wife, "don't leave me Tara." He pleaded.

"I'm getting the kids out of here Jax." She never took his hands, she got up from the waiting room chairs, "they should be almost done taking the bullet out of my sons leg now. I am going to go and wait for him in recovery. As soon as he's ready to travel, we're leaving."

"I love you Tara. And I love Emily and Abel."

"If you loved me and our kids, you'd come with me. You'd realize that this town and this club is suffocating all of us." Jax didn't say anything as she stood in the doorway, "that's what I thought. Fucking SAMCRO." She muttered to herself.


End file.
